Oh, Reality . . . You’re a Bitch, Aren’t’cha?

Where to start. Ugh. Where to start, indeed.

Well, I have fluffed an idea which appears to be taking over for the previous intended book in the Cryptid Series. Its working title is The God Trip. It has potential, and I think I can use as a theme the Urban Dictionary definition. There’s one problem:

The fire to even get a manuscript started is gone.

Now, I have gotten a ray of hope from the coiner of the initialism IABOS, author C.A. Hocking. Her IABOS is finally receding! While this pushes off my ten-published-books-by-50 goal out to a ten-published-books-by-60 goal.

Well, if I make it to sixty. Which doesn’t look as good as it should.

This week, I beta read the second season of Adam Dreece’s Wizard Killer. I love his worlds. I just . . . I really love getting to journey into his imagination! And Book 5 of Adam’s Yellow Hoods series is imminent.

Through the haze of exhaustion and burnout and allergies (snif!), I am happy for the authors I know. My head says, “Get cracking at your reviews, lady!”

I want to review. I really have ugly burnout. Today, I wrote a review which was two short paragraphs. Maybe six or seven sentences. I took an hour to make it make sense. AN HOUR?! (This is worthy of an interrobang to me; I am a speed-writer. I can pull 20K words out of my bu–, uh, my brain in a 10-hour marathon sitting.)

Not writing feels . . . wrong.

However, I’m also deeply dejected. I think that I really had the Dome Trilogy in me–which isn’t that good. I can string words together and even research pretty efficiently and quickly. But . . . it’s not enough.

I don’t get lost in my worlds anymore. They’re not vivid daydreams with fantastic setting details any more. I think Man and Brother and even ‘Til Undeath suffered from that. My settings . . . well, it’s all chatting and drama.

Who the #*$& is Tigner?

And there’s no actual response to Man and Brother, save for a review on Amazon which is for ANOTHER FREAKING AUTHOR!! Then again, this person did buy my book. Verified purchase and everything. But I am almost to tears that no one gives a shit. That I must have written something not bad enough to be beaten up and not good enough to be reviewed.

And did I kill my series with it, along with my ability to put anything to page–paper or digital? I am flailing, and I really don’t have a reason to expect reviews when I haven’t written any in so long.

I am so tired. Ugh. Maybe I need to take a little God trip for a weekend or even a day and go wherever the wind blows me.

4 thoughts on “Oh, Reality . . . You’re a Bitch, Aren’t’cha?”

  1. BREATHE, JESS, BREATHE!!! More floating and resting required before this passes. And hey, I’m 64 with only three major titles out there plus a bunch of short stories that fly off the digital shelves for free on Smashwords and BarnesandNoble but only one paid sale on Amazon, and that’s FINE cos I have a body of work that I’m proud off. Chuck those age related deadlines out, they aren’t relevant. You’re a truly original and talented writer and you have aleady produced seriously good work. Be PROUD of that!
    Being the experienced writer that you are, you know that most of our creative writing is actually done while we sit slumped in our chair and stare out the window. That’s when our imaginations expand and find new worlds to explore. Actually writing it down comes AFTER the ideas take shape in our heads. Staring into space and allowing the ideas to take shape is the first stage. The keyboard is the second stage. Bloody editing is the third stage. The fourth stage is IABOS. The natural life cycle of a writer.
    So BREATHE, just breathe, sit back, stare out the window and wait for the next first stage to begin. Or maybe it has already. Focus on who you are and what you do – a writer who writes – rather than a salesperson. The sales will come, the reviews will come, remember you’re in it for the long haul. For life. Let the anxiety goooo…..
    OK my clever friend, uncalled for but well intentioned lecture over! LOL. Sending you warm and loving thoughts.


    1. Thank you, Carole.

      Yeah, you are right. I squeezed every last drop of writery goodness into my last effort, and it does take time to refill the reservoir by going out and doing that thing . . . with the outside . . . and the doing . . . oh, yeah! Living. 🙂

      Very right and very true, awesome Aussie Guru Mama. And it’s not as much a lecture as a casual chat over digital tea for me to quit forcing something that can’t be forced. *Hug*


  2. I thought you should know that I keep finding my wife, hidden in our room, reading the first book of your Dome series. She is enjoying it. Fan, right there.

    Another author friend of mine was asking me about how “to get the writing mojo back.” I’m going to be putting up a video in the next few days, sharing some things that helped me and may be of some value.

    I am NOTORIOUSLY bad at taking a breathe, at appreciating the moment. If you’d like to promo one of your books, you’re always welcome in my newsletter. 7000 subscribers and slowly climbing.


    1. I am getting verklempt over hearing that one of my creations (blood, sweat, toil, tears, and ink–am I right?) is being enjoyed. Thank you, Adam, and thank her.

      I’ll look out for that video blog and share it. And yes. You are definitely some kind of writing superhero to me, and I do harbor a little jealousy along with absolute delight when a new offering from ADZO Publishing is released.

      Yeah, I may just do that–if my brand-new fan agrees it’s a good idea to connect your newsletter with my books. I don’t want bad work, even mine, to pull yours down. Ever.


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